Lewat sebulan je..

Sepasang pengantin yang baru berkahwin 4 bulan. pada suatu malam si isteri memeluk leher suami dengan nada manja seraya berkata, " ayang, period i dah lewat sebulan, tapi i tak boleh nak pastikan lagi sebab kita kena gi check kat doktor."

Si suami yang teramat gembira tu pun berpakat dengan isterinya untuk tidak memberitahu sesiapa pun tentang perkhabaran gumbira ini sehingga ianya benar2 pasti.

Pada suatu hari, pasangan ini di datangi oleh pegawai dari TNB kerana terdapat tunggakkan dalam pembayaran bill elektrik rumah mereka. Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata " ini rumah En. Mahpus ker?" "iya, saya ni isterinya,ada apa encik"

Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata, " Puan, ni dah sebulan lewat, saya dah tak boleh tunggu ni, nanti boss saya marah."

Dengan nada terkejut, si isteri itu pun membalas balik cakap pegawai TNB tu." APA??? Macam mana pulak encik tahu yg saya ni sebulan lewat???"

Pegawai TNB tu pun dengan selamba menjawab " ala puan, ni kan zaman IT, semua tu ada dalam komputer dan kita boleh check Online"

Kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan si isteri tu lagi terkejut.
"APAAA????Saya lewat sebulan pun awak semua boleh tahuuu??? "

Pegawai TNB tu pun mententeramkan keadaan" Relek puan, puan ni baru lewat sebulan, ada yg lagi teruk, lewat 5-6 bulan"

Si isteri yg terperanjat beruk dengan kenyataan pegawai tu pun berkata, nanti saya bincang dengan suami saya..lalu pegawai TNB tu pun beredar dari situ..

Keesokkan harinya, selepas si Mahphus ini di beritahu oleh isterinya, dia pun naik berang dan terus ambik cuti dan pergi ke ofis TNB yg berdekatan..

Dengan tanpa menghiraukan pegawai-pegawai TNB yg ramai di situ, dia pun memekik seraya berkata "Apa korang ni, isteri saya sebulan lewat pun nak heboh2 ke dalam internet. awak ni semua yg berkeluarga tak pernah lewat sebulan kerrrr????!! bisness apa korang buat niii?? nak kena saman kerr???

Lalu pegawai yg datang kerumah si Mahphus ni berdiri dan mententeramkan keadaan. "sabar encik, sabar encik. apa susah, kalau cik nak settlekan perkara ni, bayar je..." kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan si mahphus naik berang.

"APAAA?? nak bayar korang? belahhhh lahh...."

Lalu pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " kalau macam tu, Kita terpaksa potong encik punya..........."

Si Mahpus mencelah " apa??? potong??? abih tu isteri saya di rumah nak pakai apaaaaaa???

Pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " nampak gayanye..ISTERI ENCIK KENA PAKAI LILIN AJERRRLAAAAAAAA"

Kisah Janda Terdesak

Tersebut kisah sorang janda yang dah 2 kali bersuami. bercerai dengan
suami yang pertama sebab suaminya tu yang suka memukul dan mendera. sementara


suami ke-2 pulak walau pada mulanya bahagia tapi akhirnya suami tu
menceraikan dia dan kahwin dengan pompuan lain. jadi selepas beberapa tahun,
janda
ni yang masih cantik mengambil keputusan untuk berkahwin buat kali yang
ketiga. dia lantas
mengiklankan diri untuk mencari jodoh ketiganya. si janda tu meletakkan 3
syarat:


1. lelaki tu mesti berjanji tak akan memukul atau mendera
2. lelaki tu tak akan lari meninggalkan dia
3. hebat di ranjang


so, selang beberapa hari, dtg sorang mengetuk pintu dengan kuat. lalu si
janda tu pun bukak pintu.
alangkah terkejutnya dia bila yang datang tu tak berkaki dan bertangan.
"saya datang untuk cuba nasib jadi suami awak" kata si lelaki kudung tu.


Lalu si janda tu meminta si lelaki tu untuk menjelaskan kalau dia dapat
memenuhi 3 syarat seperti dalam iklan.


Lalu laki tu berhujah: "syarat yg pertama, dah tentu saya dapat penuhi
disebabkan saya tidak ada tangan untuk memukul awak"




"Syarat yang kedua, mana mungkin saya akan tinggalkan awak disebabkan saya
tidak ada kaki untuk berlari"


"Jadi syarat yang ketiga tu bagaimana nak buktikan " celah si janda tu.




"Eeerrrrr, cuba awak fikir. tadi saya ketuk pintu dengan apa" ujar lelaki
kudung tu dengan bangga.




Fikir2 lah sendiri ekkkk!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! 

kisah malam pertama

Seorang lelaki bernama Amat yang baru saja menjalani malam pertama

bersama isteri barunya, menceritakan tentang kemusykilannya kepada Seorang sahabatnya, Mohd. Jamil.



"Wah, gila juga! Ternyata memang benar," ujar Amat. "Kebiasaan yang sering

kita lakukan ketika masih bujang, boleh berulang pada malam pengantin."

"Maksud kau? Sebenarnya apa yang berlaku semalam?" si Mohd. Jamil ingin

tahu.



"Begini. Kau kan tau kalau sewaktu bujang aku suka melanggan perempuan?."

"Ha'ah. Tapi bukan ke kau kata dah insaf dah, nak taubat selepas berkahwin?"

"Memang la. Tapi aku tersilap buat something semalam."

"Ye ke? Apa yang kau dah buat?"

"Kau tau, masa malam pengantin semalam, setelah selesai melakukan

hubungan, dalam keadaan mamai, tanpa sengaja aku memberikan wang RM100 pada isteri aku."

"Wah, gila kau??!" Mohd. Jamil terperanjat.

"Bukan aku sengaja! Dah benda nak terjadi, nak buat macamana.." jawab

Amat dengan muka mencuka.

"Habis, bagaimana? Isteri kau marah ke?"

"Itulah masalahnya," Amat menjawab. "Dalan keadaan separuh sedar dia

menjawab, 'Terima Kasih Bang, datang lagi ya'...!"

10 Tips for a Killer Presentation

Presentations are something that we’re all familiar with. Whether you are watching a presentation or giving a presentation, chances are you know what sucks and what doesn’t. However, in case you don’t know the suck from the not, here are ten tips to help insure you are giving a good presentation:

1. Don’t abuse your visuals – Usually your visuals are posters, charts, or even a PowerPoint presentation. Whatever your visuals may be, keep them simple and don’t put too many words on them. The audience isn’t there to read your slides, they are there to listen to you present.
2. Look at the audience – If you ever wondered where you should be looking when presenting, the answer is right in front of you. Don’t just single out one person, but instead try to make eye contact with numerous people throughout the room. If you don’t do this then you aren’t engaging the audience, you are just talking to yourself. This can result in an utter lack of attention from your audience.
3. Show your personality – It doesn’t matter if you are presenting to a corporate crowd or to senior citizens, you need to show some character when presenting. If you don’t do this you’ll probably sound like Agent Smith from the Matrix. Nobody wants to hear him present. (If you do, you are probably an agent yourself and we will find you)
4. Make them laugh – Although you want to educate your audience, you need to make them laugh as well. I learned this from Guy Kawasaki and if you ever hear any of his speeches you’ll understand why. In essence, it keeps the audience alert and they’ll learn more from you than someone who just educates.
5. Talk to your audience, not at them – People hate it when they get talked at, so don’t do it. You need to interact with your audience and create a conversation. An easy way to do this is to ask them questions as well as letting them ask you questions.
6. Be honest – A lot of people present to the audience what they want to hear, instead of what they need to hear. Make sure you tell the truth even if they don’t want to hear it because they will respect you for that and it will make you more human.
7. Don’t over prepare – If you rehearse your presentation too much it will sound like it (in a bad way). Granted, you need to be prepared enough to know what you are going to talk about but make sure your presentation flows naturally instead of sounding memorized. Usually if you ask experienced speakers what you shouldn't do, they’ll tell you not to rehearse your presentation too much because then it won’t sound natural.
8. Show some movement – You probably know that you need to show some movement when speaking, but naturally you may forget to do so. Make sure you show some gestures or pace around a bit (not too much) on the stage when speaking. Remember, no one likes watching a stiff. People are more engaged with an animated speaker.
9. Watch what you say – You usually don’t notice when you say “uhm”, “ah”, or any other useless word frequently, but the audience does. It gets quite irritating; so much that some members of the audience will probably count how many times you say these useless words.
10. Differentiate yourself – If you don’t do something unique compared to all the other presenters the audience has heard, they won’t remember you. You are branding yourself when you speak, so make sure you do something unique and memorable.

8 powerful ways to make people like you

Socializing is an important part of life. It’s healthy to meet many people who like your presence. The good news is that it’s possible to make yourself likable. After all, becoming popular is a learnable skill. Here are 8 ways to make people like you:

1.    Being caring

Showing concern for people around you shows that you are a human being who radiates warmth, comfort, and love. People love to be cared for, but not many are willing to give love in this harsh reality. You should be the one to do so.

A bit of caring can mean a lot to someone. You can care by doing simple things like asking about your friend’s work progress, your neighbour’s family, and your spouse’s feelings. Remember, small things count a lot in relationship.

People don’t care about you until you care about them.

2.    Praising others

People who always praise themselves in front of others are frown upon. However, if we reverse the inward self praising to outward compliment giving, things change. People have subtle ego that yearn for recognition subconsciously. By genuinely praising others, we are putting them in the limelight and make them feel good. And they will eventually come to you. That’s how you can become charismatic and popular.

Everyone quietly wishes for attention and recognition.

3.    Being generous

Observe around carefully. Cats and dogs like people who give them food. Resource is scarce in life. If we are willing to share it with others, we attract people. We have to give generously in quantity and quality so that the receivers are totally happy with us. Treating friends to a horrible restaurant is not recommended, but buying a box of fine chocolate for someone is highly encouraged. Be generous, but give others according to your means and ability.

There’s a giver and a taker – who do you prefer to go out with?

4.    Being helpful

Being generous is a good way to make others like you when time is good. However, when time is bad and people face hardship, giving others a hand and lifting some burden off people’s shoulders is praise worthy. It’s like giving a glass of cold water to a thirsty stranger in desert. People will feel good and grateful for your liberating act. Help others as much as you can, and you’ll gain the solid reputation as a kind person. People will love you.

When you are drowning, a helping hand is worth much more than a pot of gold.

5.    Smiling

A smiling person is like an open door that welcomes people in. Smiling is a non-verbal message that says you are non-threatening, approachable, and welcoming others for a conversation. It loosens people up and keeps the atmosphere relaxed. By contrast, people tend to feel suspicious and stay on guard with those who seldom smile, as if they have unwelcoming sharp fangs that bite people.

Always keep a genuine, relaxed smile on your face to tell others that you are approachable. People will like to come near you.

The popular ice cream man always smiles at the children.

6.    Being entertaining

People naturally like to laugh. So it’s good if you can bring the “feel good” factor to people by being entertaining. Having a sense of humour gives you the advantage to keep others laughing out loud. And for sure, they will come to you for more jokes (or else they will die from their boring life, figuratively speaking). However, never overdo it until you become the laughing stock. It’s silly for people to laugh not with you, but at you.

It’s cool to have entertaining skills like singing and dancing (that’s why many popular celebrities are singers). When you can sing and dance, people will definitely invite you out for karaoke and disco. You won’t drop out from any invitation, since you can spice up social events. That’s one good reason for you to enrol in salsa classes.

Laughing is the peak of life.

7.    Being hygienic

Although having good hygiene alone won’t really make you popular, NOT having it is disastrous to your social life. Horrible body odour strongly repels people. If you smell like rotten meat, people around you will pinch their noses and run to the toilet for a vomiting session, even if you can tell good jokes and dance like a pro. Keep your body clean and odourless by bathing and mouth rinsing daily. You might not want to wear the same clothes without washing for one month during hot days.

If you want people to like you, it’s essential to be hygienic.

Don’t be a pair of smelly socks.

8.    Being successful

Success is the magnet of attention. Magazines feature successful businessmen, football fans worship winning football clubs, and movie fans tightly follow top celebrities. Even strangers whom you don’t know will come to you to shake your hands and ask for autograph when you are successful.

This way of making people like you is rare but powerful. You need to put a lot of effort, learn a lot, and possibly get some luck, to reach this level. Once you achieve your success, the rest is history. So I think it’s worth to strive for success, even if the road ahead is very steep.

Winner takes all.

Top 7 Tips to Laugh Yourself to Health and Well being

1. Identify what makes you laugh and actively look for those situations. Your brain will actually help you find it when you decide to focus on more fun and games!
   
2. Watch at least one funny movie per week, and play funny cd’s or tapes in the car while driving to work (excellent way to get over morning moods!).
   
3. Make fun of what you actually fear. See the comic side in your fearful thoughts, exaggerate them and make them ridiculous.
   
4. Act silly and make other people laugh; that will get you sniggering too.
   
5. Have a roll on the floor with your kids or your dog. Try a pillow fight for a change.
   
6. Take some laughing yoga classes; they’ll get you cracking up.
   
7. Laugh at yourself each and every day. If you can make the problems you face funny, or at least see them in a different light, they will probably cease being a problem.

MIS - Telecommunication (Client/Server Computing)

Client/server describes the relationship between two computer programs in which one program, the client, makes a service request from another program, the server, which fulfills the request. Although the client/server idea can be used by programs within a single computer, it is a more important idea in a network. In a network, the client/server model provides a convenient way to interconnect programs that are distributed efficiently across different locations. Computer transactions using the client/server model are very common. For example, to check your bank account from your computer, a client program in your computer forwards your request to a server program at the bank. That program may in turn forward the request to its own client program that sends a request to a database server at another bank computer to retrieve your account balance. The balance is returned back to the bank data client, which in turn serves it back to the client in your personal computer, which displays the information for you.

The client/server model has become one of the central ideas of network computing. Most business applications being written today use the client/server model. So does the Internet's main program, TCP/IP. In marketing, the term has been used to distinguish distributed computing by smaller dispersed computers from the "monolithic" centralized computing of mainframe computers. But this distinction has largely disappeared as mainframes and their applications have also turned to the client/server model and become part of network computing.

In the usual client/server model, one server, sometimes called a daemon, is activated and awaits client requests. Typically, multiple client programs share the services of a common server program. Both client programs and server programs are often part of a larger program or application. Relative to the Internet, your Web browser is a client program that requests services (the sending of Web pages or files) from a Web server (which technically is called a Hypertext Transport Protocol or HTTP server) in another computer somewhere on the Internet. Similarly, your computer with TCP/IP installed allows you to make client requests for files from File Transfer Protocol (FTP) servers in other computers on the Internet.

Other program relationship models included master/slave, with one program being in charge of all other programs, and peer-to-peer, with either of two programs able to initiate a transaction.